Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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