You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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