you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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