I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
