Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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