You just made me feel so damn special
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
