Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I want is dick and wine.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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