I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Randomize
