The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he fucked my hip out of place.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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