so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
