It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
