Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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