She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
