So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
