I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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