I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
