The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
