mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
