i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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