Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm eating all of the evidence.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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