'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize