Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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