Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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