And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
