new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
