I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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