..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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