Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
