Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
