In America we eat man semen.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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