I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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