Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
