u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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