Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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