I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
