You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
