U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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