Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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