I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
