My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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