I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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