i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
