if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
