College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
