Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
