yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
