So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
