why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
