Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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