Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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