My liver just broke up with me...
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
