They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She bit a glass in half.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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