I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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