Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
