I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
