His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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