goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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