Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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