I could have mohawked her pubes.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
