I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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