I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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