there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
