Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
