I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
