Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
